Things have been seemingly normal for a short while now. I know this relationship is not going to magically fix itself... although I would love for it to do so. I've been avoiding anything to start an argument, we get into little tiffs but its nothing major. He's been coming to bed late every night, about 4:30am, which agitates me; but then again it doesn't- more time for myself. I don't have a car anymore, so maybe that's why I've been seeming to get along with him more, so he will take me to school when I need to... and not refuse to- I know he would. He doesn't even want me to be in school, because of how he was raised. "Women are supposed to raise the children and men are supposed to work."
Well, I was raised with both of my parents working, and my mother was the one with the higher paying job. I feel that women should work, and get an education after high school. Because working after high school is important, not only for a woman's ego, but for their financial abilities. What happens when they no longer have a husband there to support them? What if unthinkable were to happen, or they were to divorce? Will they just find another man to support them? Or would they support themselves?
My school is suffering, I am behind. I'm desperately trying to get caught up with my online classes but I get no help with our 7 month old daughter, and every time I go to do my assignments my boyfriend is up my ass about why I'm on the computer. Then I get pissed off, and cannot even focus enough to do my school work. So nothing ever gets done. I'm going to end up failing out of school because of him and his controlling, manipulative ways. He knows what he is doing.
I have a gut feeling that this relationship is going to crumble... crumble, fast and hard. It will be ugly, scary, and some place I don't want be it all happens. I might have to call my friends over to sit outside to keep and eye and ear out for when it all goes down. So many bad things have already happened to make me fear the worst. I don't know if I should even go there.
I'm so uncertain, so frustrated with myself for letting things go this far...
Why am I so stupid, that I didn't see the earlier signs? Why did I fuck up so bad?
Side story:
I'll tell you why, because I wanted to get over my ex- I was in love before, I was in a relationship for 2 years, he was immature and couldn't grow up. I loved him a lot, i gave him my whole heart, he was the first person I slept with(in fact did anything sexual with), it was special- I actually wanted to marry him. I realized I couldn't because he would NEVER grow up. But I was too in love to leave him without some help, so I needed an excuse to leave him. I broke up with my ex, we were apart for maybe 2 weeks, I found my current boyfriend. How horrible am I?
My heart was hurting from the break up, which made me vulnerable to falling in love quickly(at least I thought it was love, but that wasn't the case- it was just someone new so it was exciting)... I ended up getting pregnant. I learned to love him. then things got really shitty towards the end of the pregnancy... I should've cut him out then.
It's not too late, but he'll still be apart of my daughter's life... ugh.
Any thoughts?
